I’ve heard that they’ve finally invented a car that can run on water …..

….. only thing is that you have to get the water from the Gulf of Mexico.

The jarveys who don’t use poo poo catching devices on their horse have been banned from Killarney National Park.

The National Parks and Wildlife Service are more than a little annoyed with horse poo poo on the park roadways, ‘cos this causes them to be worried about miniscule things like the environmental, health & safety and aesthetic impact on such poo poo on the area and on the poor visiting tourists.

The jarveys are saying no to poo poo bags …. all of Killarney want to say no no to poo poo so I hope that the issue will be resolved as quickly as possible so that Killarney can be as poo poo free as possible.

Poo out!

The madness began on the 6th. Bloody posters and cable ties everywhere!

It’s a bit rich to have the ‘Greens’ in Government with the ‘Fuck ‘em All’ party and the condoning of this antiquated practise of vandalising our countryside.

The posters went up over night. Still lots of fools willing to do the donkey work!

The only reason they’ll come down so quickly after the election is the fear of being fined for each and every poster still up after a certain date.

It’s a pity they won’t get fined for not taking down the cable ties also!

I’ve been looking at the options available to me in making Paddy’s Place more environmentally friendly, more self-sufficient and more energy efficient when the property finally falls into my hands.

I reckon that a solid fuel stove will be my main source of heating … it will have a back boiler and will take coal, wood and turf. It will have a hot plate on which to boil a kettle etc.

I’m actively looking at wind power turbines  as an independent source of electricity and looking at selling the excess to the E.S.B. It amazes me that there are no grants available for this purpose.

There are grants available for:

• Solar heating  – for space heating and/or hot water.
• Heat pump  – horizontal collector, vertical collector, well water or air source.
• Wood Chip or Pellet stoves – with or without integral boiler.
• Wood Chip or Pellet boilers.
• Wood Gasification Boilers.

But no grants for installing a wind turbine. Go figure!

Until I get access to the property I can’t fully decide how to approach things …. but my ‘list’ thus far:

• Trim, cut and make safe the trees around the house. Some have already fallen and others are in precarious positions.
• Tidy/Fix the boundary ditches … put in some hedging where/if necessary.
• Check the roof …. aim for replacement if necessary.
• Start upstairs … remodel, insulate and redesign if necessary
• Downstairs … remodel, look at heating options etc.
• Long term: knock and rebuild bathroom addition, perhaps making it larger with a utility and a back door. No more than that …. cos the idea is to downsize not enlarge.
• Perhaps build a fuel store – I’ll need some place to store the wood, turf and coal!

All the above is subject to change …. I must wait ’til the place is signed, sealed and delivered to me before I can make any firm plans.

My money is ready … it’s the vendor and his solicitor who need to get their skates on!

I see we have attained the distinction of having the dirtiest city in Ireland!

(I guess we can’t sing ‘Beautiful City …. my home by the Lee’ anymore? We could try ‘Pollutiful City, green and so smelly, pollutiful City my home by the green Lee’. We’d have a devil of a time getting the words to rhyme but what the hey it’s worth a piece of paper!)

Poor old Cobh is the dirtiest town in Ireland …. must be all that slag and pollution in the harbour etc. I don’t see John Gormley running to clean it up. Only guy with guts to stand up to him was John Mulvihill Snr.

Cavan is named the cleanest place in Ireland ….. where?

Galway comes second.

Celebration time …. Limerick is litter free! Woo hoo to them and rat-a-tat!

Waterford has no litter either ….

They must be shipping it to Cork!

Dublin has the ‘rare auld’ occurance of litter at ‘times’ …..  being moderately littered.

I’ve been thinking about my ‘ideal town’ and what it would contain to make it an ideal place for me to live in.

This is what I’ve come up with:

1. I’d like a ‘Square’ in my town … a green area where we could meet and chat, have a cup of tea/coffee and just watch the activity going on around us.
2. A nice coffee shop would be welcome …. a place that would produce a reasonably priced full Irish breakfast.
3. A cinema would be great …. with two or three screens …. it wouldn’t have to be too big …. because my ‘ideal town’ has a small but neighbourly population. Not nosey mind you!
4. A ‘green’ system of transport around the town would be nice …. bicycles, some kind of tram system ….. something unobtrusive and unpolluting.
5. A book shop with comfortable reading chairs …. perfect!
6. A magazine shop with my favourite magazines always in stock!
7. The neighbourhood garage …. the one man show …. one ramp, a few mechanics, cheap petrol/diesel at the pumps, served not self-service, a partial or full valet service at a crazily reasonable price.
8. The streets on my town would be wide enough to have a green area in the middle …. lots of nice columnar trees with a few conical ones thrown in for variety.
9. No litter anywhere.
10. The backs of all the shops etc. would be as clean as the front.
11. No telephone or E.S.B. poles anywhere. All cables underground.
12. Access to underground cables would be easy …. lift a cover …. voila … fixed!
13. No digging up of roads needed ….. and they would all be blemish free …. no pot holes.
14. The graveyard would be a place of respect …. well kept …. lots of nooks and crannies …but well laid out. All headstones kept clean, kerbing maintained, grass cut neatly, shrubbery a joy to behold, not a briar, thorn or nettle in sight!
15. Those who have chosen to be cremated would have a plaque to commerorate their memory in a central location in the graveyard. No hill or soggy ground for the dead of my ‘ideal town’.
16. Traffic would definitely have to be bypassed! No through traffic allowed.
17. Our Primary School would have character to it, it would be an example to all as to how environmentally friendly buildning techniques can be effectively used. All teachers would teach th ‘Irish Primary Curriculum’. Free education would be just that …. FREE! Lunches would be provided.
18. Secondary Education would be top class. It would follow on from Primary Education … collaboration not conflict. Exams would be continual assessment not one final big set of tests. I’d include more time for the pupils to get career guidance, development of life skills, personal development, road safety skills, good community development skills etc.
19. A brilliantly massive D.I.Y. shop with cheap prices …. no rip off 4Homes or Woodies or the likes for me!
20. PC Universe ….. the best IT and PC and laptop and …. and etc.shop that a town could have would be appreciated. I wouldn’t want it or the D.I.Y. shop to dominate the area ….. lots in them but not massive buildings …………thank you!
21. An ‘open air market’ area would add vibrancy to the town ….. organic foods, unusual goods, all the fun of the fair!
22. A Chinese Take Away ….. but more upmarket ….
23. No McDonalds, Burger King or Super Macs …. thank you!
24. A clean take away with locally produced fish, chips, chicken etc. would make it into my ideal town.
25. A music shop …. with all my favourite types of genres of music ….. no loud music blaring in the shop ….. try before you buy or ‘make your own music CD’ …. the options being available.
26. A barber …. to wash and cut my hair. A shave and a facial massage would be great too.
27. A massage parlour to give me a decent massage …. (something I’ve never had).
28. A properly equipped Medical Centre ….. doctor, dentist, nutritionist, chiropodist, specialists, surgeons ………. all FREE .
29. My town would be a cancer free zone also.
30. No crime or inhumanity would be allowed in my ‘ideal town’.
31. Law enforcement would be a minimal requirement.
32. Political corruption would not be tolerated.
33. Religious bigotry not allowed.
34. Religious fanaticism wouldn’t be acceptable either.
35. All the people in my ‘ideal town’ would have a home to live in …. be it a house, an apartment, ….. whatever …. somewhere nice to live.
36. Older people would be valued for the contribution they have made to society. I would record their achievements for posterity. They would never be forgotten.
37. I’d have lots of friends in my ‘ideal town’.
38. I’d be semi-retired ….. I’d work there days a week, relax for the rest of the time …. or do some volunteer work where I could see a difference being made.
39. In my ideal town we wouldn’t have a Lotto machine ….. we’d have no need to win the lotto …. ‘cos we’d all be content.
40. It would rain at night and be sunny during the day.
41. We’d have a beach nearby to visit during the summer.
42. The town would shut down for a week at Christmas …. we’d be well stocked with provisions …. and there would be a blanket of snow on the ground!
43. Internet access would be free for all and faster than a speeding bullet.
44. No water charges, no rates, no tax, no telephone bills, no electricty bills, no tv license, no annual servicing bills, no SKY tv direct debits, no mortgages, no personal loans, no credit cards …….
45. We’d have a river flowing through our town ….. ideal for boating, canoeing, swimming, fishing, snorkeling etc. The water would be crystal clear because it wouldn’t be polluted.
46. Beautiful architecture ….. and monuments ….. statues etc. ………………. show casing the talented people in our town.
47. A museum …. detailing our town and our past.
48. A university ….. to expand our minds would be a bonus ….. all FREE …..
49. Great clothes shops …… again reasonable prices ….. (me … I just want a good supply of jeans, t-shirts and a top or two with an appropriate number of undergarments and I’m set).
50. A Bank Holiday weekend every month or every second month would be desirable and Easter holidays would be set for the first two weeks of April in my ‘ideal town’.

I could keep going ….. but you get the idea.

So what would you include in your ‘ideal town’?

Local authorities are one of the worst polluters of our local environment.

They have the responsibility of maintaining our environment.

They also have the responsibilty of ensuring that litter and other pollutants don’t ruin the enviornment in which we live.

Why, then, are the Local Authorities/Councils themselves one of the biggest contributors to the litter problem?

With Health & Safety, local authorities have to put up adequate signage before, during and after road works have taken place.

I realise that.

What I fail to accept is the ‘abandonment’ of signage long after the job is done!

It’s scandalous ….. cones, plastic warning signs, reems of plastic warning tape, lengths of wood that signs used to be attached to and the dreaded cable tie litter the high ways and by ways of our country!

That bloody cable tie is everywhere!

It’s on pieces of wood, on the reamains of plastic signage and on various other poles (after the election material has been pulled down).

The law states that election candidates must have their posters down within a specific time after the elction ….. but what about the plastic cable tie?

Take that too you polluter!

Permanently Temporary!

Colour code the cable ties for the different parties etc. for ease of identification:

Fianna Fáil: Brown – in honour of the good old ‘brown envelope’.

Fianna Gael: White – cos they make themselves so clean and chaste looking in opposition!

The Greens: Grey – cos they are no longer black and white about their policies ….. now that they are sleeping with the devil.

PD’s: Fluorescent Yellow – perhaps someone will take notice of the poster, take pity on them and they’ll get at least one vote in the next election.

Sinn Féin: Green and Red – in honour of the ever growing closeness between Ireland and Britain, as demonstrated to us by Martin McGuinness and Ian Paisley …. the now infamous ‘Chuckle Brothers!

I’d give Finian McGrath the former teacher, turned turncoat a special colour ….. a ‘tar and feather’ mix.

Jackie Healy-Rae: He’d have to get a yellow cable tie …. to match all his plant hire machinery that’s dotted on every road in Kerry.

(If you have a colour and a politician mix that you think would go well together ….. feel free to let us know!)

Another thing ……………. why don’t councils clean water tables anymore?

They only respond to blocked drains with a big bucketed digger after the fact!

The worker with a shovel, malined and all that he was, was still able to do a more effective job cleaning out drains.

Now we have four guys standing around as the guy in the digger takes big scelps out of the drain.

That’s progress for you!